Pessimistic Introvert

Dear World,

What is a pessimistic introvert?

I’m constantly getting remarks about how I should smile more, talk more, be nicer, think more positive, etc. Do I disagree with them? No, not really I could smile more, talk more, be a little more positive, but to me that would be giving a false impression of who I am. I’m a pessimistic introvert. My glass is half empty and I like that about me (see that was positive). The beauty of being a pessimist is that I’m rarely disappointed. Being a pessimist means if something doesn’t work out well I can’t really be sad about it since I didn’t think it was going to work in the first place. I feel like growing up I learned to talk less because I was always being badgered about the fact that I was “so negative” and being told to “be more positive”. Being an introvert helped in the fact that I study people and only really talk when I have something to contribute. To think people are always being told you have to listen more. Try being an introvert and you’ll learn that skill real fast. Combine the two traits together and you get someone who’s really quiet and almost always mistaken as shy or embarrassed which is not the case at all. Secretly I’m just judging you, but am nice enough not to say it out loud.

Kindest Regards,

Your Closest Friend

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Science at it again!

Dear World,

What type of introvert are you?

According to a very scientific study (Science Of Us) I’m considered a “Social Introvert”. Now, I probably would have said I’m a pessimistic introvert, but that wasn’t an option. I’ll talk about that some other time. Social introverts are the classic introvert. They like to stay at home and read a book or play on the computer, but also prefer small gatherings of friends over large groups. Well, science you’ve done it again because that’s me a nutshell. The classic introvert. Always the underachiever, but what can I say. The other options were anxious, restrained, and thinking. All of which I don’t really classify with. I may be socially awkward, but couldn’t care less about what people think of me. Therefore, I’m not an anxious person. Early mornings are my favourite time of day so restrained introversion doesn’t fit me. Finally, thinking introversion. I could get behind this classification if only for the fact that these are the dreamers of the introvert world. The ones who come up with stories in their head and picture themselves the hero of their latest book. What I don’t identify with is that this type doesn’t shy away from regular social gatherings. Put me in a room with 10 other people I need to talk to and I’ll have disappeared in three minutes flat. So, classic introvert I shall be!

Kindest Regards,

Your Closest Friend

Back to School

Dear World,

Why do I always dread the coming of school? But also dread summer vacation?

Change is hard on anyone and that’s what summer vacation or the beginning of the school year brings. I’m cruising, doing my own thing, getting into the groove of school or summer and suddenly the world feels like it’s okay to take me out of it. I’m being thrown into a new situation, I need to take the time to re-situate myself and fall back into a pattern. But change or disruptions in my life normally lead to lowered self-confidence. I worry, I over analyze and think to hard about whether or not I’m doing the right thing, speaking eloquently, or talking loud enough. So yes, maybe I do hate change. Maybe I enjoy the ease that comes with singular and predictable activities. Don’t get me wrong I love school and I love summer vacation. On the one hand school gives me leave to spend hours researching and learning on the computer, and summer gives me endless hours of reading pleasure. So really I quite enjoy both world…just need to readjust a little bit in the beginning.

Kindest Regards,

Your Closest Friend

I Love My Family…Really I Do.

Dear World,

I love my relatives, but when they come to visit I just go crazy because there’s always someone around. How do I find time to recharge without insulting them?

Sometimes being stuck in a house with 10 other people with nowhere to go can be suffocating. These are people you only see once a year or maybe every two! How dare you not spend all the time you have with them. Except, nature is a funny thing. I can’t help but get frustrated and emotional when I can’t find time for myself to recharge and get ready for another day of people. So if I wake up early and give myself an hour of alone time just me, some coffee, and a book. Please respect that. I’m all yours the other 15 hours of the day. Creating a morning ritual is my favourite thing to so because it gives me that little carved out niche of time that I need. I must take after my papa who every morning walks to the closest Tim Horton’s so he can do some people watching. Try it. Mornings are beautiful and I’ve learned to love them for better or for worse.

Kindest Regards,

Your Closest Friend

RUNNING OUT OF EXCUSES

Dear World,

Why do I have to come up with excuses to sit at home alone?

I’m busy, I’m tired, I have work to do. The vagueness of the excuse means I just don’t want to see you or anyone else at the moment. Using excuses for the most part makes my life easier. You don’t get hurt because I don’t want to hang out, I’m suddenly busy and not some loser who just wants to be alone, and it make me sound less depressing. Except, why do I even need to come up with an excuse? Everyone need alone time at some point, introvert, extrovert, and ambivert alike! Let us all embarrass that side of ourselves that says “hey, you need some time alone”. From now on I’m just going to tell you I’m drained and need some time to recharge, without you, alone in my room, with netflix, and popcorn.

Kindest Regards,

Your Closest Friend

feeling like i don’t belong at the party

Dear World,

Why do my friends insist on going to house parties when they know I spend the entire time wishing I wasn’t there?

No, sorry actually I don’t want to go to that house party. I’m awkward, it’s awkward, people you don’t know actually want to talk to you, and frankly I’m a terrible drunk. Parties that are small and intimate, okay! Big parties where you abandon me? Not okay! Definitely, not okay. Stick by me and I’ll be fine. Help lead the way and create opportunities for introductions. You’re the extrovert so help an introvert out! This time I won’t look at my watch, I’ll try to fit in with your crowd and be as inviting as possible. I’ll even smile. Miracle, right? Just goes to show that’s how much I care about you. In return you own me two days of silence, lots of chocolate, and a new book. Excellent, glad we could find a way to bribe me into going to this party so that you don’t have to show up alone.

Kindest Regards,

You Closest Friend

Seriously, reading again!?! of course.

Dear World,

Why can’t my friends understand that I read because I like it and I’m not avoiding them?

Like doesn’t even begin to describe the way some people feel about books. If you borrow a book from a true book lover there are always rules you need to follow. Don’t bend the pages, don’t crease the spine, spill anything on it and you won’t even have a friend anymore. I’ve learned to love to read. Learned. As in I took the time to practice and continued reading until I got to a point where it was second nature. It gives me such joy to start a book that I don’t think it’s comparable to any other feeling. You can try to tell me I’m crazy, that I read too much, that I’m becoming a HERMIT, but I will never give up something I love this much because you feel like you need more attention. We’re friends, allow me to enjoy my moments of solitude and books, and in return I will give you all of myself and hold nothing back whenever we are together. This I can promise you.

Kindest Regards,

You Closest Friend

Surprisingly, I AM NOT A HERMIT

Dear World,

Why don’t my friends believe I’m not a hermit?

Hermit is such a simple word, and yet it’s used against me. To try to convince me I should do something against my nature. If I want to go home to read, “Oh, you’re such a hermit”. Don’t want to go out dancing prefer to have a quiet night, “Stop being a hermit!”. Darling, I’m stubborn and an introvert. Calling me names will not compel me to bend to your will…remember the phone thing? You can’t use my nature against me or make me feel guilty for who I am. I may enjoy recharging on my own, but I also enjoy spending time with you and that my friend is the opposite of what is a true hermit.

Kindest Regards,

Your Closest Friend

I AM AN INTROVERT

Dear World,

Is it possible to nicely explain to an extrovert that you just want to be alone?

Because when I’m exhausted, emotionally and physically, I need peace and quiet. I need space and I need time to recharge. Yet, if you’re still sitting in my car talking to me eventually I’m going to ask you to leave…as politely as possible. If you don’t understand I’m tired. I get more frustrated because I’m coming apart. I’m not empathetic, and I don’t really show my emotions, but when I’m exhausted, irritated, and emotionally vulnerable sometimes “please just let me go home” can sometimes turn into “get the fuck out of my car”. And I apologize for that. Sincerely, I do.

Kindest Regards,

Your Closest Friend

The Life and Times of ME